04/01/2026
Now Hiring: Senior Art Interpreter / Part-Time Temporal Liaison
Eye Candy Gallery is seeking a highly qualified individual to oversee artwork, time, and several other things we are not at liberty to define.
Position Overview:
Art is not passive.
Time is not linear.
The gallery opens at 11:00 AM, but not always in this order.
Your role is to maintain alignment between the artwork, the space, and whatever Tuesday currently is.
Primary Responsibilities:
• Conduct hourly walkthroughs (when applicable) to confirm all artwork remains in its assigned century
• Identify pieces that have drifted slightly forward or backward in time and adjust accordingly
• Assist clients in selecting artwork that will recognize them upon installation
• Intervene when a painting begins remembering a previous owner
• De-escalate quietly
• Monitor walls for instability, including but not limited to:
• leaning
• shifting
• mild existential doubt
• Maintain the gallery’s internal clock (located somewhere near the ceiling, do not look directly at it)
Additional Cross-Functional Duties:
• Feed the alpaca
• Calibrate the lighthouse
• File quarterly reports with the Department of Unnecessary Geometry
• Translate any messages received from the floorboards
• Wind the antique barometer that controls customer decisiveness
• Reset it if consultations exceed 94 minutes
Daily Tasks Include:
• Standing still until something improves
• Moving a painting ¼ inch to the left and resolving an issue no one else noticed
• Confirming that the hallway is still the correct length
• Explaining, once, why the lighthouse is indoors
• Never explaining it again
Required Qualifications:
• Ability to remain calm when a room feels slightly larger than before
• Comfortable receiving instructions that are not delivered through normal channels
• Strong opinions about things you cannot prove
• Must be able to tell time, even when it refuses to cooperate
Preferred Experience:
• Has ever fixed something by adjusting it very slightly
• Has left a space and immediately needed to re-enter it
• Has successfully ignored a situation until it resolved itself
Compensation:
• Competitive pay
• Access to restricted areas of the gallery (when they are accessible)
• Health, dental, and optional reality alignment benefits
• One (1) lighthouse per employee (non-transferable)
To Apply:
Enter the gallery.
Select a piece of art.
Wait.
If nothing happens, you may not be ready.
If something does happen, please check in at the desk, unless the desk has moved.