09/23/2026
Petaluma, CA | September 22, 2026
Dredging operations associated with the restoration of the Trestle Promenade on the Petaluma River have led to what local historians are calling the most significant paleontological find in Sonoma County history. Crews have recovered the near-complete skeletal remains of an enormous, previously unknown species scientists are calling Pollosaurus Maximus, Latin for “Big Scary Chicken”.
Divers surveying the riverbed near downtown Petaluma first noticed bone fragments lodged in the silt that were too large for any extant species. Subsequent excavations revealed an articulated skeleton measuring more than 20 feet from claw to cockscomb. The discovery has gob smacked researchers, given Petaluma’s long-documented history as “The Egg Basket of the World.”
“We’ve always known this region had a relationship with poultry—going back generations,” said one excavator. “But we never suspected the relationship was actually a million years old.” She added: “Humans now breed poultry for food, but this thing would have eaten us for breakfast.”
Adding to the sense of dread and fascination surrounding the discovery, some community leaders have voiced concern that the disturbance of the creature’s resting place might have angered its spirit. Said one: “With all these reports of angry chickens misbehaving and whatnot, I think we might need to do something that welcomes their great ancestor and makes it feel at home. I mean, the last thing we need is some kind of giant Poultrygeist wreaking havoc on our town.”
Public Viewing Announced for Halloween Night
In a bold and unprecedented move, the recovered remains will be made available for public viewing for the first time ever on Saturday, October 31st, at Hall of the Above, an event venue in downtown Petaluma. The specimen will be displayed in the 30ft tall main space, viewable by the public for one night only. The unveiling will coincide with an evening of music and revelry, as organizers felt the best way to welcome El Pollo Mu**to was to throw a raging dance party.
