05/05/2026
During his short but prolific life, Danish philosopher/theologian Søren Kierkegaard published over 30 influential works, and he is regarded today as one of the most important intellectuals of the modern era. But in August 1841 he was an anguished 28-year-old graduate student, set to defend his master’s thesis in a month and engaged to 19-year-old Regine Olsen with whom he was deeply in love. That month he wrote Regine a letter, breaking off the engagement—an act that would have a profound impact on his life’s work. “Forget the one who writes this,” he wrote in the letter. “Forgive someone who whatever else he was capable of could not make a girl happy.”
Kierkegaard had courted Regine for over two years, before proposing (awkwardly) in September 1840. Despite the fact the young couple were deeply in love, Kierkegaard had been reluctant to propose, doubting himself and his ability to be a good husband. And after they were betrothed, Kierkegaard remained tormented by the prospect of marriage. Eventually his doubts got the best of him, and he sent Regine the letter breaking off the engagement—telling her that his commitment to his work and his calling were incompatible with marriage. If marrying Regine required a leap of faith, Kierkegaard was unwilling to make it.
Regine was devastated. She begged Kierkegaard to reconsider. She threatened su***de. But Kierkegaard was insistent and unwavering. After he refused to see her, Regine’s health declined, and she could not sleep. Eventually Regine’s father demanded that Kierkegaard visit her. When he did, he told her that he was not suitable as a husband. She asked if he would ever marry and he responded, “Yes, in ten years’ time, when I have settled down, I will need a l***y girl to rejuvenate me.” Evidently he believed that saying such a thing would extinguish any feelings Regine had for him. “It was a necessary cruelty,” he wrote.
In time Regine overcame her crushing sadness. In 1847 she married Johan Frederik Schlegel, a prominent Copenhagen lawyer and government official, who would go on to serve as Governor-General of the Danish West Indies for five years, with his devoted wife Regine by his side.
As Kierkegaard’s fame grew, so did gossipy claims that he had seduced and cruelly abandoned Regine. And, of course, he never acquired a “l***y girl to rejuvenate” him. Rather, he remained celibate the rest of his life, haunted by his love for Regine, a love which is widely acknowledged by Kierkegaard scholars to have crucially informed his philosophy and theology.
Kierkegaard died in Copenhagen in November 1855 at age 42. His will had only one beneficiary: “It is naturally my will that my former fiancée, Mrs. Regine Schlegel, should inherit unconditionally what little I leave behind. If she herself refuses to accept it, it is to be offered to her on the condition that she act as a trustee for its distribution to the poor. What I wish to express is that for me an engagement was and is just as binding as a marriage, and that therefore my estate is to revert to her in exactly the same manner as if I had been married to her.” Unsurprisingly, Mr. Schlegel did not share that sentiment and Regine declined to accept any bequest.
Regine went on to outlive Kierkegaard by nearly 50 years, dying in March 1904 at age 82, her husband having passed away eight years earlier. In her old age, Regine was at peace with her memories of Kierkegaard and their failed relationship. Her biographer recounts that as a stooped, white-haired old woman near the end of her life, Regine scolded a priest for not being sufficiently familiar with Kierkegaard’s work. Upon her death she donated her letters and diaries to Copenhagen University, expressing no bitterness toward her famous first love. She was, her biographer writes, “loyal and loving to the last, happy to have been taken over into history…. Time had smoothed away the pain, and what remained was the memory of the experience in her life.”
Søren Aabye Kierkegaard was born in Copenhagen, Denmark on May 5, 1813, two hundred thirteen years ago today.
The portraits of Kierkegaard and Regine, both from around 1840, at the time of their engagement.