12/15/2020
SOME MUSINGS ON LIFELONG LEARNING IN LATER LIFE
By Cheryl Ahern-Lehmann
“Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength.” …. BettyFriedan
We sometimes think learning throughout our lives is supposed to be of our own choosing, when we want it, and should be interesting, even fun. As we age, however, we discover that some learning is absolutely necessary, even though it may be difficult and unwanted.
The learning I am talking about takes courage, honesty, diligence, intention, patience, persistence, and a willingness to adapt and change in the face of challenges and fears. It requires thinking creatively, asking questions, and learning from others and our own mistakes. It often requires humility, asking for help, depending on others, and the ability to laugh at, applaud, or cry for one’s self. Doesn’t all learning? For some of us, this learning can eventually engender empathy, resilience, wisdom, and redefinition's of our personal, social, and functional identities; for others, depression and withdrawal from life and relationships can occur.
I have always believed, espoused, and been committed to the idea that most of us can, and do, learn throughout our lives, continuously gaining in knowledge, experience, and insights that can enrich us if we let them. I still do. But I realize now (at age 76) that I underestimated the learning curves that confront many of us as our bodies and minds age, and/or if (at any age) we become limited or debilitated by illness or life circumstances that we didn’t foresee. Later life can hold challenges for many of us, but I admit that I didn’t fully consider the demands of those challenges when I pondered my own learning and life goals (despite being a nurse practitioner and educator with a Ph.D.). Many of us don’t. But this learning is important, often necessary, and should not (or cannot) be overlooked, ignored, or “hidden” because of pride or shame.
The changes and situations that create some of our later-life learning challenges are often troubling, unexpected, and frustrating, and can lead to feelings of disappointment, anger, or embarrassment. “I didn’t want this to occur in my own life; I did all I knew to do to prevent it,” we say to ourselves in protest. In any case, these situations occur, and can force unanticipated shifts in our own self-perceptions and skills, and the roles, functions, and expectations of partners or family members, disrupting relationships and fostering feelings of guilt or failure in us. Activities and work capabilities that once gave us purpose and enjoyment may require change, become limited, or be no longer possible, creating a sense of loss and, sometimes, envy of others who are still vital and active. Our own realities and life circumstances may differ from current social beliefs that insist that we can all age gracefully, remain healthy and beautiful, active, and in control of our lives; If we cannot, feelings of inadequacy, self-blame and shame can develop.
I think we need to reframe later life as a period during which learning rich, interesting, and challenging events occur that require new ways of thinking and behaving. Consider just a few of the things many of us may have to learn: to walk again after hip or knee replacements or debilitating falls; to use tools such as wheelchairs, walkers, or canes: or to practice tai chi to help us regain our balance. We may find ourselves adjusting to using hearing aids or magnifying glasses for reading or craft projects. Machines (that may be unfamiliar to some of us who are older) such as cellular and adaptive phones, computers, and fax machines may complicate our communication with distant family, friends, or business associates, so we need to learn how to use them effectively. Researching treatments/solutions for problems of incontinence, thinning hair, and new hairstyles (if we can no longer reach the back of our head) may be necessary. We may find ourselves exploring how to garden from a stool, wheelchair or wheeled cart, or experimenting with how to cook from a chair or exercise without getting down on the ground. We may be required to stop driving, requiring us to identify alternative transportation resources in our community. Discovering, or rediscovering, how to live alone, if we have lost our partner, as well as how to identify volunteer work and/or social groupings that can provide support or joy may become important … and on and on.
The advanced years of life require incredible amounts of learning to accomplish, especially considering that adjustments often occur under duress or when we are not at our strongest. We certainly deserve respect, if not admiration, for attempting to learn all that is necessary to keep our lives as active, full, and rewarding as possible. Many people proclaim about aging: “It is clearly not for wimps.” Even so, if we are successful in adapting and meeting our own goals, we may be able to act as role models and share what we have learned with others in similar circumstances.
Submitted in November, 2020
A Brief Bio on Dr. Cheryl Ahern-Lehmann, PhD
Now retired, Cheryl Ahern-Lehmann worked as a nurse and Adult Nurse Practitioner in Internal Medicine, urgent care and psychiatry for over thirty years. Her Ph.D is in education and curriculum development. She taught nursing and nurse practitioner students at Boston University, Yale, San Diego State University and the University of San Diego, and was Director of Education for a hospice organization for several years.
To read more articles go to www.motal.org
