Benevolent Order of Antelopes

Benevolent Order of Antelopes A service group that strives for mediocrity. An “if we can be bothered” attitude.

08/12/2026

Good news! Due to our exertion of minimal effort during Stand By Me Day, we will use August as a recovery month, and not meet Thursday. Boom-ba-ba-cancelled

Two days, if you can be bothered. Boom-ba-ba-boom!
07/24/2026

Two days, if you can be bothered. Boom-ba-ba-boom!

We received word the Brower boy is missing. Last seen in the area of Chamberlin and Harlow Rd. Antelopes keep an eye out...
07/20/2026

We received word the Brower boy is missing. Last seen in the area of Chamberlin and Harlow Rd. Antelopes keep an eye out, his parents are worried sick.

07/09/2026

Bad news. Meeting tonight is on. 7:07. Last meeting before SBM Day, allegedly. Boom-ba-ba-boom!

06/08/2026

Good news! Meeting this month is canceled. We really wanted to have it, but there’s a Golden Girls marathon that day and it’s in the bylaws. Boom-ba-ba-boom.

Unfortunately, it has come to our attention that Thursday is once again the 2nd Thursday of the month, which means the B...
05/12/2026

Unfortunately, it has come to our attention that Thursday is once again the 2nd Thursday of the month, which means the Benevolent Order of Antelopes will be forced to gather at 7:07 PM. Or whenever the alarm bell signals. Whichever feels less disruptive.

Last meeting achieved record mediocre attendance, which was honestly more participation than we were hoping for. Thank you to everyone who didn’t show up. Your continued dedication to contribute the bare minimum is appreciated. Traditions matter.

Additionally, Antelope Alan has been placed back on probation after repeatedly discussing Antelope business outside of approved meeting hours. As a reminder, unsanctioned enthusiasm remains grounds for disciplinary punishment.

There will probably be a fire.

I will also, against my better judgment, be dedicating at least 30 exhausting seconds to updates from the most recent Stand By Me meeting. Please prepare yourselves accordingly or don’t. It really doesn’t matter.

Meeting begins at 7:07 PM sharp-ish behind Janky Bird in Brownsville. Attendance is discouraged but technically appreciated.

Lastly, a photo of past Antelopes Rob and Norman was presented to us, circa 1985. As you can see, even meetings in the 80’s showed mediocre attendance. Both antelopes were likely disciplined for showing enthusiasm. A direct violation of our sacred bylaws.

Bad news again.Due to suspiciously good weather and a continued lack of individual drive, we will be meeting tonight.Do ...
04/09/2026

Bad news again.

Due to suspiciously good weather and a continued lack of individual drive, we will be meeting tonight.

Do not expect anything that even resembles productivity. This falls squarely in the middle of our 11-month off-season, and we intend to honor that tradition with as little effort as possible.

Perhaps there will be a fire. Perhaps there will be mediocre company. Almost certainly there will be conversations most becoming of an Antelope.

Anyone caught discussing anything even mildly productive will immediately trigger a motion to have them elected into office, per the bylaws regarding off-season violations. You’ve been warned.

In other administrative failures: Antelope Alan is officially off probation. His violation of the Antelope Code of Conduct, Section 3, Paragraph 4, has been forgiven after submitting a crock pot of baked beans in lieu of a fine. Justice has been served.

As always, we will gather at 7:07 in the alley next to where we hide the dead body.

Boom baba boom.

Address

134 Spaulding Avenue
Brownsville, OR
97327

Website

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