11/06/2026
AUTOBIOGRAPHY
“I deeply wish with all my heart to be useful in art...”
My life, of course, is like everyone else’s, but I also have my own peculiarities, my own character, my own troubles and adventures. I was born in Moscow. My relatives perished during the war. I was sent to an orphanage. Even there, I loved the open spaces, my Russia with its meadows, forests, lakes full of fish, hayfields, the Volga, night bonfires — especially I loved herding horses. In the orphanage I finished 7 grades, then in the city of Gorky RU-2, I studied to become a ship mechanic.
In 1951 I finished a two-year trade school. Afterwards, I worked for the Volga Cargo River Shipping Company. I worked as a stoker. I was often seen off by countless beacon lights. But life was empty. There were clashes more than once. I do not write out of pity for myself. These are my pure memories. I missed a chance: I was not alone in the orphanage — I had an older sister. Her name was Nina, but in 1947 she died of hunger. And afterwards I was left alone, and my loneliness has always been with me. This is the heaviest burden that sits in a human soul. In 1949 I finished 7 grades, as I wrote. Afterwards I was sent to work, then to the North. Geologists, taiga full of gnats. But I did not lose heart. I lived and worked. Even before the army I worked as a “checker” — binding logs with cables, having to run around them and secure each one. Waist-deep in snow, with sores on my hands and face. We slept in barracks. The only pastime: vodka and hunting hazel grouse. Poverty forced me to go south.
Very simply: waiting for spring, I left the North. I climbed into a Pullman car filled with coal, buried myself in it and waited for the wagons to be aired. Then a jolt — and the train moved. When approaching Kotlas station, from there to Moscow — but usually there were many camps in the North. And there were escapes. But I neither stole nor fought. When the train stopped, I heard dogs barking. Then something rustled strongly in the coal where I was lying. I shoveled the coal away to see where I was — and saw in front of me a policeman and a bayonet black from coal. I understood everything at once. And he said: “Eh, pup, I nearly killed you.” He showed me the recess where I lay: “Look, how many centimeters the bayonet missed, and several times over. You were born lucky.” Coming to his senses, he shouted: “Documents!” I showed him my passport and work book. Then I went to the duty officer at the station. He gave me a certificate, put me in a passenger car, and bought me a loaf of bread.
I arrived in the city of Nikolaev. Worked at a shipyard as a laborer. In 1954 I was drafted into the army. And again I ended up in the North, even further, beyond Murmansk. Again the forest, again logs, loading wagons. Sometimes forty wagons a day were loaded with timber heading south. I ended up under a timber carrier. Landed in a hospital in Arkhangelsk. I was discharged, and I left. Again to Nikolaev. In 1956 I studied to be a tractor driver. Then virgin lands, Kazakhstan, Akmolinsk, Karashalginsk MTS. I had to plough not only by day but at night as well. Sometimes the run reached 17 kilometers. In the morning you would draw a furrow there, and by the time you returned, it was already dark. It was hard. The virgin lands were being raised, and I was caught in that upheaval. Once I fought a fire, ploughing a line so the grain would not burn further. Afterwards I went to Proletarsk, Luhansk region. Mine 1–2 named after Melnikov, extra-category. Worked underground, studied right in the mine and passed the technical minimum. And there I had to sweat too. I worked in the seventh coalface, where the seam was forty centimeters. Lying down, I scooped coal behind the cutter of the combine.
I wandered a lot and for the first time met an artist. His name was Sasha Sashnev. I liked the guy. He was simple, always ready to advise. In the orphanage I usually got failing grades in drawing. Once in free time I opened a box for the first time, where paints were neatly arranged. Before that I had never held a pencil in my hand. I often visited this guy, and he said: “Do you want to paint a study? Come with me.” And I went. I had already had some strange feeling before. I didn’t paint, but everything around me seemed beautiful — I would stand for long looking at the phosphorescent spoil tips glowing with many lights. I painted a study, and for the first time something new awoke in me. Thus began my adventures in art. I went to the city of Kryvyi Rih, where I worked as a concrete worker, painted a lot, but all in vain. I got angry, tore my works, nothing came out. I met a factory artist, Uncle Petya, washed his studio, primed canvases, ran for ci******es — he was the first to show me studies. Once I showed him my works, he picked several and said: “Go to Odessa.” I quit the factory and came to Odessa. In the city I knew no one, lived at the train station, at the cemetery — I experienced and saw everything. People laughed at me, but above all I hoped for the best.
Twice I applied to the Odessa Art School. I worked there as a laborer, stoked furnaces, washed studios, repaired the director’s car, and studied. All the while I worked in construction. And I never had my own shelter. I won’t lie — I was expelled from school because I failed general education exams. I visited exhibitions, studied on my own. Once, while working at a shoe factory, I learned that there was an exhibition in Leningrad. With forty kopecks in my pocket, I went to Leningrad. There too I wandered, slept wherever night found me. In winter I had to sleep in telephone booths: half an hour dozing, two hours warming up. I wandered because I had fallen in love with art, because I was completely alone, because my parents had died; several times I drank myself into ruin out of vexation. I came to the exhibition at the Manege in winter, without a hat, hungry, barely moving my legs. I had to sleep on the street, in the metro, in entrances. After the exhibition — Penza, the Savitsky Art School. They did not accept me there, so I walked to Tambov. From Tambov — to Odessa. I am still young, my only goal is painting. This is my last hope: to draw, to paint, and to bring joy. I await the day when I will be able to express my thoughts in my own way. I deeply wish with all my heart to be useful in art. These two years are the most important for me — I want to search for myself, and it seems to me that I must find it. I hope for it and will achieve it. I could tell much about myself, I’ve had countless adventures, but one cannot describe it all.
Lately I worked at a shoe factory. I left it. I could no longer endure the dormitory, where it was impossible to engage in art...
Nikolai NOVIKOV
June 19, 1966