07/16/2025
🩸CAPTAIN SPAULDING’S OFFICIAL SOUVENIR PLAQUE 🩸
From the Museum of Monsters and Madmen – Accept No Imitations
“Well well well, look what crawled outta the corn syrup. You’ve got taste, freak—‘cause what you’re lookin’ at is an officially unauthorized, hand-painted shrine to yours truly: Captain Spaulding, in all my twisted, grinning, grease-slicked glory.
10 inches of pure, pulsating nightmare—sealed in acrylic and bad intentions. That hypnotic spiral? That’s not just for show. It’s a gateway to the Museum. You stare long enough, I might just pull you in.
The finger? That’s for the critics. The teeth? Realistic enough to smell the rot. And the lettering? Custom-brushed, no stencils, just sweat, caffeine, and probably a little human bone dust in the paint.
Hang it in your hallway, your haunted kitchen, or your panic room. Anywhere folks should know they’ve entered hostile territory. This ain’t just art—it’s a warning sign with a smile.
So go ahead, buy the plaque.
Bring home a piece of the madness.
And remember: the fried chicken’s to die for… but the ride never ends.”
“If you’re gonna scream… scream with style.”
-Captain Spaulding.
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🔪 This ain’t your grandma’s wood plaque. This blood-slicked tribute to Captain Spaulding is loud, vulgar, and flipping off the void — just like he damn well should be.
Snag it in person at Fanaticcon Ottawa on July 20th (Booth #207), if you’ve got the guts. Just follow the scent of fried chicken, gasoline, and gunpowder screams. But don’t take too long — this hand-painted slice of circus hell is one-of-one, and it bites back.
If you miss it, you can pray to whatever god listens to freaks like us — it might crawl onto the website July 21st. But let’s be honest… this kind of madness usually doesn’t make it out alive.
